A Small, Clear Voice
by HippyDragonGirl
Summary: AU one-shot post Always. Kate wakes in the middle of night. Castle is sound asleep. She wanders into his study,thinking to read herself back to sleep. Note: It's not what you think. AU involves Kate, Rick, and Alexis at a book signing long ago.


She would wake him, but she knows he needs the sleep. The past few weeks, especially the last day or so, have been a living hell for them both. At least he's had the balance of Alexis to help him. Support him. Then again that's also wrapped up in her moving on, so she's not sure it's been as much of a help to him anyway. _Oh, Rick...if I could change it..._

She browses through the titles on his shelves, quickly finding several copies of the one she wants. She pulls all of them off the shelf, flipping each open to the title page and replacing it on the shelf. None contain the handwritten dedication she was hoping to find.

Did she really think it would be here? Alexis probably doesn't even remember that day, the day Kate imagined a different story for her writer, his daughter, and herself. A story where Richard Castle noticed her at a book signing so long ago.

Alexis was just a little bit of girl. All sure of herself and sass, sitting on the floor beside her father, coloring. The look on her face when Kate bent down with the pen and her book to have Alexis scribble her name.

Kate lets her mind drift back in time, back to that bookstore, where for a moment everything seemed possible. _If I could have a photo of her in that moment, I'd carry it with me, wherever I went._

She's waited an hour. She's gone over what she wants to say to him over and over again. She knows she'll only have a few moments. If she can just make this connection with him, make him see how his words have changed her. Maintained her. Patched enough holes to keep her going. _You've given me a ledge to hang from, Mr. Castle._

This last book, the desolation she read in his words. She thinks maybe he might have lost his way a bit, like her. Surely knowing how important his stories are to his readers? How they've changed their lives...her life...for the better? Surely that can be something to hold onto? To forge forward into the battle of life?

She's just a few people away from him in line when she hears the giggle, then his answering laugh. He's disappeared from behind the table. Her eyes instinctively drop to the floor and she gets an eyeful of famous author jean clad ass. She couldn't have avoided it really, it's sticking, quite obviously, out from under the table. _Shut the front door!_

The women gathered around the table are laughing. She hears, "Oh, you got her this time, Rick!"

And then the giggling girl's squeaks pitch impossibly higher. "Daddy. Daddy! Stop. Stop Now!"

Kate sees Richard Castle haul himself back into his seat, pulling his daughter with him, so she's caught up in his arms when he's firmly back in place. He leans in close to whisper in her ear. Kate glances at the women nearest the table, giggling and fawning over the scene, like those closest to her in line. _Has his little girl been here the whole time?_

Father and daughter break apart and Richard Castle firmly places his daughter on her own two feet. They each eye the other menacingly. He says softly, "Just for a little while longer..."

She answers sweetly, "Yes, Daddy." But her knowing smile tells Kate that he's promised his little girl a very good reward, if she can make it through the rest of the signing. His smile is honest and happy, though.

He spends a precious few moments more with his daughter. His fingers fiddle with her hair, tucking it's long, red strands behind her ear. He strokes his hand down her cheek, gives her forehead a quick kiss, then spins her toward her little camp-out spot.

He watches her for one more moment, as she marches over, plops down, selects a crayon, and continues with her picture. Then he turns back to the line straggling out the door. She catches his face, watches it change from a father's love to an overbooked bestselling novelist. _They shouldn't be here at all. They should be at home._

Richard Castle will be here at least another hour she's sure of, but maybe a little more. By the look on his face, he knows, too, and is barely holding it together. The glance at his watch seems to give him hope, though. He looks so tired. _How does no one else notice what a crazy mess this is?_

Kate sees again how his face changes in that moment he turns from his daughter and back to his waiting fans. She's been here in line an hour, but he's been making small talk, signing his name, and trying to keep his daughter happily self-occupied for even longer. No one even noticed his daughter sitting on the floor coloring until he was suddenly on the floor with her.

Everything she wanted to say to him becomes so completely, utterly, unimportant. Everyone is telling him how much his books mean to them. She doesn't want to be one more obsessed fan putting a slice of unhappy pie on his plate.

She studies his face as he signs a book, but sees no trace of what she caught moments ago. He is good at hiding behind wishes she knew nothing of the personal life of her favorite author, but it's been hard to avoid his name in the press.

She's sure the bulk of it is crap, but she knows the truth is he's now a single father. Obviously, that has come crashing down on him today. The reaction of those women. This isn't the first signing he's had to bring his daughter to. _Why isn't someone he trusts caring for his little girl?_

She's wondering about all the different slices of this man's life and the image of pie floats into her mind, then she's drifting on smells of coffee and tastes of flaky crust. Oh, pie and coffee. She sinks into the fantasy she'd been entertaining all afternoon, that is when she's not practicing her words to Richard Castle. _Oh, yes. Her words. The fantasy..._

_Her words to him as she passes her book over for him to sign, captivate him. He secures a promise from her to join him for coffee after the signing. She meets him later, at a coffee shop down the street. They share a slice of pie and sip coffee. They laugh together. They share life experiences in between moaning over the delicious pie and savoring the flavor of the coffee._

Fantasy. Of course. There is nothing special about her. She's just another dedicated fan waiting in line. Enough of that. She steps out of line and around to where the girl sits on the floor. She drops to a squat in front of her. "Hi."

The girl looks up, smiles. "You get my dad's signature in your book?"

"Nah. I think I should get yours instead." Kate smiles back. "I have a feeling you're going to be a famous artist someday."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. My name is Kate." Kate sticks out her hand to the girl who takes it and gives it a shake.

"You like my picture, Kate? Here..." The girl finishes off her picture, then snatches Kate's pen from her grasp. She signs her name to the bottom corner, just like a professional. Kate knows she's not quite 5.

Richard Castle's daughter hands over her artwork to Kate with a special flourish. "Dedicated to my very first patron! Well, that isn't family, that is." Her giggles ring out again. "I'm Alexis Castle by the way, in case you didn't already know and can't read my writing. I just started writing real words this year!"

Kate laughs with her. "You are off to an excellent start, Miss Castle!"

"Oh, your book...Here give it to me. I'll get it signed for you!"

Kate hands Alexis her copy of her Dad's book. Alexis jumps up with it and heads over to her Dad. Kate's eyes follow the girl, but then slide over to those women standing off to the side. Kate realizes they've been observing her and the girl the whole time. One of the women is talking rather animatedly to a security guard. _Oh, great. Now she's pointing at me._

Kate turns and heads out of the bookstore. She's raised enough hell for her Dad this year. She doesn't need to add an arrest at a bookstore for accosting the underage daughter of her favorite author to the growing list of offenses.

She turns back for a split second when Alexis calls out, "Kate!" but she can't see the girl through the crowd that's tightened around Richard Castle. Whispers of a threat to his daughter filter through the crowd. _I'm sorry, Alexis. I'm so sorry._

Minutes later, Kate is curled in a comfy chair at the coffee shop down street, her vanilla latte held to chest in one hand, while her other hand smooths Alexis' picture out across her thighs. She fingers a bit of the drawing here and there. Lightly touching each figure with a fingertip. Father. Daughter. Mother.

Her heart breaks for Alexis. The mother is so obviously not her real mother. Alexis has colored the hair a burnished brown. And Kate watched her, as she drew and colored in a scarf around the mother's neck to exactly matched the one Kate wore and had been fingering since the moment she realized what the girl was doing. Kate only stopped fingering it now in order to pull out the picture Alexis drew.

Katherine Beckett had fallen in love with two people today in the span of just a few sounds, words, and actions. No one will ever convince her again that love at first sight does not exist. She holds the proof in her hand. _Alexis spun a dream around her that quick. A blink of an eye._

She looks up from the paper and glances around the coffee shop. She finds what she seeks, a young family. A boy instead of a girl, but there's an older girl walking toward them. _Oh, yes. That would do fine._

She easily adds details to her little coffee shop fantasy first date with Richard Castle. A first date that now includes his vibrant, yet aching daughter. She sees him stroke a hand down his daughter's softly flaming hair as they share a smile, then he's turning to her, catching her eyes, smiling at her. "Please, Miss Beckett, call me Rick."

"Oh," And even though it's just a fantasy, Kate's heart stutters in her chest. "If you're Rick, then I'm Kate." She's bold and extends her hand across the table.

"Kate and Rick it is, then" His arm is around his daughter, sitting next to him, but he reaches out with his other hand, shaking the hand she places into his. She thinks she might not breath again.

Alexis stops them from pulling apart when she places her hand over their joined ones. "Kate and Rick AND Alexis!" She announces and their smiles become laughter that fade into whispered plans about the rest of the day. Kate imagines she hears snatches of their plans...

"Oh, there's a fantastic old time movie house..." Kate says.

"The Angelica!" Alexis and her Dad say together. Then Rick adds, "Or we could wander around Central Park, Belvedere Castle..."

"Let's go to a museum!" Alexis says excitedly.

Kate and Rick lock eyes. Lots of things to occupy a young girl for hours at a museum. "Perfect" they agree in unison.

Kate drifts back to herself, her reality, sprawled across one of the comfy chairs in Richard Castle's study. How many times has she dipped back into that fantasy over the years? Maybe she'll take Rick and Alexis on a bookstore browse this afternoon, then a visit to a coffee shop. She sighs and snuggles deeper into the chair, surrounded by all his things, his books, his words. She drifts back into sleep.

He finds her there an hour later, after he woke to an empty bed and went on a desperate search of his home for her. He wants to carry her back to bed, but he knows he'll wake her in the process, and she needs her sleep more than anything else right now.

The storm from the night before has cleared out, leaving cool air in its wake. He walks back through his room, then into the hall to grab a light blanket from the closet to cover her, and the front door comes into view. He pauses to savor those first few moments with her again, her in his arms.

Not dying. Not bleeding out onto impossibly green grass. Alive and vibrant in his arms. The force of his need for her almost breaks his resolve to let her sleep, but as he comes back into his study with the blanket, he's struck again by her fragile look.

He slowly, carefully covers her with the blanket. He stops his hand from smoothing her hair from her face, fearing again of waking her. She needs sleep right now more than he needs her.

He can wait for her to wake up. He's good at waiting. Waiting and patience. He has to snag his hand back again. He'd better leave her alone, he won't be able to resist.

He grabs his laptop and heads out into the living room. No more sleep for him. Time to write. He wonders what words will come now that the chase is over. Now that he has her. _But do I really?_

He glances back into his study, thinking of his murder board and all the gathered information he dropped into the trash bin. Can they truly walk away from her mother's case? Walk away from a hardly in check, shadowy and unknown threat?

He does his best to tuck it away for now. He knows they will deal with it in time or it will deal with them. _Words for now. Yes, let's see what words come._

They are not long in coming, and his fingers tap a constant beat to carry him through the rest of the night until his muse wakes and is in his arms once again.


End file.
